Highly Wearable Vintage Umbro Shorts Near You
AKA a humble request to resurrect the best shorts on earth.
If you grew up playing soccer (youth, high school, varsity, whatever), or in a town where everybody played soccer, then you probably remember Umbro shorts. I’m not talking about just any Umbro shorts. I’m talking about the often team regulation checkered monotone nylon shorts with the Umbro diamond logo on the corner of the front leg.
It’s been at least a decade since more men started wearing shorter shorts, though I’ve still met plenty of designers who just deny it’s happening (are you blind?). You could chalk some of this up to rising popularity of strength training, too. Leg day champions and squat kings worked hard for their muscles, so why cover them up? Phrases like “hockey butt” and “thighs are the new biceps” are common refrains these days. The lower body is commonly seen as a slog to train, with even the most devout gym-goers dreading “leg day.”
When the short shorts trend hit a fever pitch, you couldn’t look at menswear content without seeing stories about 5” inseams, which became a sort of golden mean. Of course, over time there’s been some backlash. More recent springs and summers have been full of memes over warring inseam camps. But still, the 5” inseam persists and in some cases has shrunk to even shorter lengths. (I personally lift in 4” inseams thank you very much.)
But even with a limitless supply of shorts out there, none top the nostalgia and ease of the 90s era Umbros. (Tracksmith, which is remarkably high quality, is probably a close second.) Every year around this time, I start hunting for a new pair. And every year I’m always shocked to find they aren’t being sold by Umbro the brand. Sure, you can get checkerboard shorts on their site, but you won’t find that flirty inseam. I’ve only ever had luck sourcing them on eBay. To that end, here are a few listings that seem to fit the bill.
But, buyer beware, the sizing here can be pretty hectic. I’ve worn size small and large with seemingly no differences so just be sure you do a little extra research before pulling the trigger.
From Top Left: 1. Black Shorts, Medium, 2. Black Shorts, Large, 3. Black Shorts, Large, 4. Green Shorts, Extra Large, 5. Navy Blue Shorts, Medium 6. Black Shorts, Large
If you’re not willing to risk it on the size, I get that. For actual working out and occasional leisure, I wear the Lululemon Surge Shorts (please bring them back) but have enjoyed the Pace Breakers, too. And for occasional vegging I trust these by Adidas.
And with that, I am actually heading to the gym anyway. Leg day, etc.